Monday, March 11, 2013

Exorcist





                
The Exorcist


My name is Devin. I’m 15 and my family and I just moved into a new house. Everyone we passed told us to turn around and never look back. What was that supposed to mean? Approaching the house I figured out why we got this place for so cheap. The outside looked like a depressed man slapped his sorrow all over the place.

 I walked into the house searching for the room that would suit me best. On the second floor there was a room at the end of the hall. The door was black and looked as if there was blood dripping from the top of the door. As I walked closer I realized it was real blood. I stood in front of the door and put my hand out, touching the door, letting the blood run down my arm. Why was it warm? I opened the door and the whole room was covered in blood too.

   I looked to my right and saw a boy in the corner. He looked just like me...I walked towards him. I can feel his gaze intense on me. He tilted his head to the side and smiled, eyes glowing iridescent. Our eyes met and in the matter of a second, he made me bend backwards, snapping my spine in half. I could feel the veins in my neck popping out in pain. I snapped myself back up straight. He looked into my eyes and said, “Let’s play a Game”

     A tear streamed down my face, still hurting from the pain. Why didn't my spine breaking kill me ? It was clear to me that he wanted me alive. I went up to the attic and I found a book about how his family.  I found out that his great uncle went on a killing spree  and murdered his entire family, blaming it on him. Now his soul was stuck in this house, and he himself could not be released unless there was a child of his own age willing to help him. That kid was me. I could feel his soul bound with mine.

     I woke up the next morning with no pain whatsoever. I walked towards the stairs and he attacked. My body bent all the way backwards, hands and feet holding me up. My neck spun around and I crawled down the stairs and into the kitchen. WHY WAS HE DOING THIS TO ME ? I snapped  back up to normal position before my father saw me. I thought it was over but my brain started glitching, twitching and bending in random ways. My dad looked at me in terror. He ran to the phone and called someone. I told my dad about what I read from the old book in the attic.
   
        Later that afternoon, a priest approached my house. I sat by the window and watched him as he spoke to my dad. Holding his cross and bible he looked at me in fear that I won’t be healed. As soon as he walked into my living room, the bending began, the pain increased and he knew it was time to go.
  
      The priest laid out all of his equipment and the pain grew. He strapped me to a table and I couldn't control him anymore. He took over my body.With the lights flickering, the priest began the exorcism. He poured cold water all over me, covered my face in a towel and began chanting. The pain grew stronger as every word came out of his mouth. After what seemed like an hour or so, I could feel his escape. I could feel him crawling through my body. Inch by Inch I could feel him crawling out of my body. I could feel his hands going up my throat, his knee in my rib cage and his head by my spine. Every time he moved I could feel it. I could feel his pain on top of mine.


             His hand kept moving up my throat, scratching his way to my face. His hand came out of my mouth and grabbed my right cheek. He pulled his way out of my body. First his arms, then his whole upper body was out. He put his hands on my shoulders and pulled himself out of me. He ran to the corner of the room and started rocking himself, screeching. The priest pulled out a black doll and said "beast begone !"

              The boys crawled out and his soul went into the doll. The priest burned the doll and I knew then, that his soul was set free of the pain he lived with daily. Him and his family can rest in peace. Not bothered by the outside world.

3 comments:

  1. First off i'd like to say that i really liked this story!!! <3
    1)The conflict of this story was the boy taking over Devin's body. I think it was both internal and external, the boy was inside devin but he showed his appearance on the outside as well. A exerocism is what solved this conflict. I was pretty invested, i've always thought these type of stories and etc were funny or entertaining. Hmmm something to make it more dramatic....umm maybe some more of the boy taking over or something someone would least exspect like, idk murder? the exorcism not working, idk?

    2)The protaginst doesn't change much through-out the story because it takes over a small period of time. His great development wasn't sooo great, it kinda sucked for him haha. This change was important for the story because it pieced the whole story together.

    3)I really liked the part where the boy took over devin's body! I think it was the climax. "My body bent all the way backwards, hands and feet holding me up. My neck spun around and I crawled down the stairs and into the kitchen." I know this is 2 sentences but still i liked these because it describes what happened to his body when the boy attacked.

    $)The description was the best quality of the story i believe. Like the transformation, the attic, all really welled described!

    5)A spooky theme? and the author plants the seed that its just a kid moving in and boom! it blooms to a whole take over of the body and then the leaving of the boy.

    6)Maybe lenghting it out a little longer, put more facts into some parts of it like the boy's uncle and etc, but great job other than that! <3

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  2. 1. The conflict of your story is that Devin gets possessed.
    2. Devin changed in the story by getting the demon taken out of him and he leaves.
    3. I loved the part when you say slapped sorry over the house. XD i laughed as you know.
    4. Your best quality is with all the detail you added to your story it was really good.
    5. The theme I think is horror
    6. I think you should make the story a little longer because i liked reading it and more dialogue

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  3. 1) The conflict of the story was when the boy was starting to take over Devin's body. I believe it was both, external and internal. They way the conflict was resolved by having an exorcism. I think that if you have the exorcism fail, that would make it more dramatic.

    2) No one really changed. He didn't really develop over time.

    3) My favorite part of the story was the whole thing!! "I snapped myself back up straight. He looked into my eyes and said, “Let’s play a Game”" I liked it because it was strange.

    4) I'm not sure.

    5) The theme of the story is exorcism. I think o.O

    6) I think it should be longer. It could probably make it better.

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